Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
