Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
