you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
