I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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