Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
