thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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