I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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