Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
