I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
