Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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