Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Your tits are I can't wait for
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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