It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
