I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
