Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
