i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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