You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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