I smell stomach acid.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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