I think i peed on brittanys purse
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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