So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
