So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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