then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
