He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
