i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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