if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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