Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
