just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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