You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
