Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
