I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
