I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
