What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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