Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
