There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
