So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
