Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
