If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I FOUND THE LEGS
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
