is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
