yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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