Nicole vs. Life
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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