made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
