dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
