stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
