He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
