I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
