Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
