Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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