He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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