Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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