i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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