I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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