hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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